Of Dogs and Directions….Part II
In my last
post I began the story of my old dog not wanting to go where I was taking her,
to a place of safety and rest, to a place she would not go. And how I like my dog am like this with
my God…..
And so the
story continues….
I confined
my dog at night for her safety.
After freeing her from the deck in the morning I wanted to feed her but
she would not follow me back up onto the deck to get her food because of her
fear and lack of trust in me not to re-confine her for the day.
And I, still
like my dog, was reluctant to follow God all the way to this place He was
taking me…. the Kerith Ravine (which means failure).
In the slow
process of death to our “self” sometimes God must take us to this place of
failure…failure of our own means or “self” sufficiency.
After
putting out my fleeces and hearing from God I still was unconvinced I really
should do this thing of quitting my very good job as a home health physical
therapist. My own voice of self-reasoning
was saying, I want to follow you God but I am not sure this is the best for me.
Is it really the best?
So out of
His love and long suffering God kept speaking to me. It seemed every time I opened my Bible some scripture would
jump out at me about this same subject of quitting my job…..
As I was reading
through Acts 26 and 27 God began to show me that much like Paul being put on a
ship doomed for disaster in order for God to further His plan for spreading the
gospel I too had been allowed to board a doomed ship.
Our doomed
ship was one on which we were our own captains and were making decisions based
on our own dreams, our own desires and we were living a lifestyle above our
means before I had even graduated as a physical therapist and landed a
job. This ship set sail way before
it’s time.
As the story
in Acts 26 & 27 goes the centurion had a choice to listen to Paul's warning
that the voyage would be disastrous and bring great loss to ship and cargo and
to their own lives or to listen to the captain of the ship and sail
(Acts 27:10-11).
I suppose
God was warning us but we just were not listening and chose to set sail as
captains of our own ship in spite of the warnings. We made decisions based
on our own wants, desires, hopes and dreams rather than inquire of God as to
what He would have us to do.
I graduated
and landed a job as a PT. I had
prestige, power and money. We bought
property to build our dream home, lived close to our first grandchild; life was
good here in this place.
Haven’t we
all been in this place at one time or another in which we simply ignore the
warning signs and sail ahead into what starts out as smooth sailing but quickly
turns into our storms of life?
As with
Paul's ship, a gentle south wind began to blow and we thought we had what we
wanted. Before very long a wind of hurricane force swept down on us (Acts
27:13-14). Chris lost his job again, we had to move to Oregon for his new job
our property did not sell, our house did not sell, and after some time in
Oregon I landed another job however now we owed a cargo load of taxes from my
working and our ship much like Paul’s took a violent beating.
The crew on
Paul's ship took to throwing the cargo and even the ship’s tackle overboard
with their own hands. (Acts 27:19)
We began
doing this as well, handing property back to the bank, and putting the house up
for short sale. It did not do much good. I kept working, the storm kept raging.
But after a
time God said to me much like Paul did to the men on his ship:
All is not lost for what you in our own self sufficiency have done
to yourselves I will work for your good (Romans 8:28).
However…….
“you should have taken my advice not
to sail…then you would have spared yourselves this damage and loss. But now I
urge you to keep up your courage, because not one of you will be lost; only the
ship will be destroyed. Last night an angel of the God to whom I belong and
whom I serve stood beside me and said, 'Do not be afraid, Paul. You must stand
trial before Caesar; and God has graciously given you the lives of all who sail
with you.' So keep up your courage, men, for I have faith in God that it will
happen just as he told me. Nevertheless, we must run aground on some
island." (Acts 27:21-26)
So our ship
was running aground, this ship of our own doing but God was telling me:
Don’t worry all is not lost, I have you in this one.
And like the
centurion who wanted to spare Paul’s life by ordering
…those who could swim to jump overboard first and get to land. (Acts 27:43)
God was trying to tell me jump off the ship
bound for shipwreck and jump into the water and swim, ditch the doomed ship you
set sail on long ago…
Now my
husband was not convinced of this yet and kept arguing
against my quitting saying that since we had gotten
ourselves into this financial mess we needed to dig ourselves out ( our own
self sufficiency)
God kept
reminding me of the fact that Paul also put himself on a sinking ship, a ship
doomed to failure. But he did this at the Spirit’s leading in order to
further the gospel.
God had said
to me:
that like Paul, I had put myself on a
sinking ship by training as a PT and going to work. However, even though
it was to run aground no souls would be lost. This was in the long run to
further the gospel. I was to jump ship and swim
When God
starts talking about swimming I put my listening ears on because if you know
me, you know I am a swimmer; a strong swimmer and I love the water.
Not to
mention that since moving to Oregon I have not had a pool in which to swim my
laps something I have sorely missed.
I had
another dream… twice as a matter of fact a few months apart and during the time
God was speaking to me about quitting my job…apparently God is
speaking to me in dreams.
The dream is
this: I was swimming again but my legs were paralyzed and while it felt so good
to swim again I couldn’t swim that well because I was paralyzed…. This time I
understood what God was saying to me in the dream….
As with Paul on the doomed ship I was
to abandon ship and jump in. God was saying to me your sins are forgiven, by faith
swim by my grace, further the gospel…keep passionately talking about me, about
my truth, about Jesus…rather than trying to work at digging yourself out of
your own financial mess.
So, in time
after much prayer and fasting and with my husbands agreement I did the
unthinkable and quit a very good job and literally jumped off a sinking ship
and began to swim, well maybe I am not swimming yet more like floating along,
trying not to drown.
Rough Waters
Ahead! Should have been the warning…
While I
envisioned a miracle and our finances would be fine God had planned to take us
to this Kerith Ravine (I Kings 17) in which everything looks like a failure.
However I
must say that though it has been extremely tight these last few months we have
not missed paying our bills or missed a meal and last I looked we still have a
roof over our heads.
Just as God
provided for Elijah at the Kerith Revine by giving him ravens to feed him, we
too are being provided for by Chris’ paycheck.
I’m sure
that land is ahead as I swim, I just can’t see it yet.
But I know
that God ever so gently, like me with my dog, is trying to get me to see what
He is about, in asking me to quit my job. That He is trying to protect
me, to lead me, to feed me but that I need to trust Him for this versus shying
away and stubbornly refusing to hear and follow Him.
If you are
in a place where God is speaking and you are having trouble listening or
following remember He knows what He is doing.
For I know the plans I have for you
declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you.
(Jeremiah 29:11)
And
God works all things for good for
those who love Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:28)
Loving on you,
